We named our party play list daddy issues
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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