my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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