Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
