i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
