In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
