we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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