Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
