That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
