drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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