just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
