Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
