I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Houston, we have a blender
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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