So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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