The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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