She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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