P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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