Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
