your parents love me but you hate me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
