Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
