I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
