i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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