If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
