No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
