Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
