Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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