I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
