he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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