Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
