Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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