i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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