ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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