Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
