We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We had sex on a dog bed..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
