Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
