It's like God shit irony all over that family
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
