I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
