shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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