There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
