You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
