I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
