Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just invented taco cereal.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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