3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
