i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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