I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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