phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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