Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
