did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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