Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
