just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
