She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
