At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
