i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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