So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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