Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
