New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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