Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
