I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.