the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".