I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
