Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
