if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
