I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
