dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
