Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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