I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
