Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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