dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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