I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
as a side note pls kill me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
