This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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