is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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