Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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