me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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