Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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