I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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