i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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