I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
