Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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