i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
