Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
