Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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