On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
