im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
