ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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