1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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